When people ask “how do you stay smiling all the time?” I honestly am not sure what to say.
Sometimes, the constant bereavements of life – disappointments over false expectations, treachery from fraudulent allies, or a lover who only causes pain – keeps whatever it is in front of me seem comedic. As if going through worse situations makes light of what is present.
Other times, I think of the moments I had lied to, hurt, and berated those who I had taken for granted. Events that led me to the shitty predicament I am in. Those memories, no matter how disgraceful, remind me of who is accountable for the feelings I have; me. It seems that confirmation of my faults makes the present task seem more feasible.
You’ve probably heard this before: “Though I cannot change the past, I can only change what I can do” (or something along those lines). I never took it seriously until I realised that it’s not about correcting what has already happened but accepting it. All of it. Then learn to appreciate it.
I am starting to understand that I will fuck up again. Then again, and again. Knowing this, I can rest easy knowing that no matter how many times I fuck up, I at least tried.
Tried to make a new impression. Tried to make someone smile. Tried to accept who I am. Faults and all.
Sometimes, trying is all we can do.
So try to smile. For yourself.
